It’s the end of 2024 and more and more people are starting to explore the alluring realm of BDSM and kink. I first dipped a toe into this ocean of a practice with an ex-girlfriend of mine after reading about “power exchange sex” in a book by Aubrey Marcus. In the last chapter he describes how to have “more, better sex” and I decided to give it a shot.
First, it’s worth noting that in every human relationship, there is some level of power exchange. Often subconscious, generally one person is more dominant (has more power) than the other. This is not necessarily a bad thing and in many cases allows operations to flow more smoothly. Think of your relationship with your boss - if you had the ability to tell them what to do or how to make important business decisions, it might not be for the best.
A dom/sub dynamic works to bring conscious awareness to this power exchange and explore its depth. The goal is to consciously, and with consent, explore what happens when the sub gives the dom ALL of the power (or perhaps just more than usual). Obviously there is a lot of nuance to this in practice, but this serves as the general principle.
You can think of sexual relationships as a battery. The greater the difference between the positive and negative charges, the higher the voltage. In this case, the positive and negative charges refer to the power within a relationship. In a dom/sub dynamic, the dom has all of the power/control, while the sub has none. By amplifying the polarity between the dom and the sub, you create more energy within the system. If opposites attract, then by creating more intentional opposition you create more attraction.
This dynamic can, and often does, exist within dynamics that don’t usually exhibit this structure. For example, a masculine/feminine pair might not always play as dom/sub in their day-to-day life. For them, it might be akin to acting (often a session of playing in this realm is referred to as a “scene”). They decide together that they will play these specific roles for a certain period of time. This conscious declaration of “for this session, you’re going to give me all of the power and I’m going to take all of the power” is KEY to the success of the journey. Clear boundaries are CRUCIAL and cannot exist without COMMUNICATION.
This journey is best viewed from an exploratory lens - what happens if you give me ALL of the power to make EVERY decision? What position you are in, if you can speak, how you refer to me, etc. The rabbit hole is DEEP when you start to check it out.
So, check it out if you feel intrigued. A simple, effective place to start is some basic bondage. Our premium silk restraints don't require any previous experience or knowledge of complicated knots - simply thread one loop through the other around an object (throat, wrists, etc.) and you've got yourself a secure restraint. Bondage takes control down to the most basic level - I CONTROL YOU BEING ABLE TO MOVE.
We exist as primal creatures and there is something to be said for exploring this instinctual, animalistic side of what it means to be human. In today’s 2024 society there is a backlash against the dominance of masculinity and the submission of femininity and, regardless of how you choose to interact with the outside world, I firmly believe in the healing aspects of this practice.
In the safety of your own home, with the safety of someone you know and trust, what happens if you FULLY submit? What happens if you FULLY dominate? After you’ve established clear boundaries of what’s off limits and what’s in play, what happens if you let go of judgment and explore the confines of your animal self?
There is something to be said for shining a flashlight in the dark corners of your desires. Ever wondered what it would be like to have a partner do WHATEVER YOU WANTED THEM TO DO? Ever wondered what it would feel like to FULLY SUBMIT TO YOUR PARTNER’S COMMANDS?
At Safe Sensations, our mission is to help people unlock the doors of their desires. We want more people to explore these sometimes dark fantasies, alchemizing something that, if left in the shadows, could grow into an unhealthy suppression. We believe that by going into the darkness, by exploring these primal desires, there is immense potential for healthy acceptance and unification.
What if you explored those deepest, darkest desires and realized there was nothing to fear? What if you did that taboo thing and freed the part of you that felt guilty for being curious?
Sometimes the thought of what lurks in the shadows is scarier than what’s actually there.
Of course, safety is the name of the game, and that’s why it’s in ours. The underlying foundation of safety and trust is paramount and cannot be overstated.
Go play, and as always, feel free to reach out with any questions, comments, or concerns.
Logan
